20 useful expressions for high-stress days

Stephaine send me this list late last night, had me rolling around desperately clinging onto my stomach trying to keep my sides from just splitting open. I’ve bolded the one’s I especially liked that apply to me most. Thanks Stephaine Enjoy!

1. Well, aren’t we just a ray of f_cking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth
4. Do I look like a f_cking people person?
5. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting
6. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat
7. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
8. Let me show you how the guards used to do it
9. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be …?
10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
12. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
13. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
14. I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one
15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
16. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing
17. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
19. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
20. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?